


These Colours of Feeling

by Samunderthelights



Series: Harry Potter Short Stories : 2021 [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Don't copy to another site, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Italy, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, R/S Romance Fest 2021, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Smoking, Summer, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28954413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: Remus has been in love with Sirius for years. So far he has done well to hide his feelings, but when he and his friends go on a trip to Italy, he ends up sharing a room with him. They spend all their time together during the trip, and slowly but surely Remus can sense that something is starting to change between them.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Harry Potter Short Stories : 2021 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2112132
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55
Collections: R/S Romance Fest





	These Colours of Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> My entry for R/S Romance Fest. A little background on why this photo inspired me to write this story. A few years ago I went on a trip to Italy to visit the filming locations of one of my favourite films. When I saw this photo, it reminded me of that warm, romantic feeling of a summer in Italy. So this story is mostly inspired by the beautiful places that I got to visit on that trip. Here's the photo I used as a prompt:  
> .

“So? What do you think?” James grins as he and his friends enter the hotel.

All the way from the airport they had been teasing him about the crappy hotel he must have booked. How surely he would have messed up like last year, when he and Lily had ended up having to share a room with two strangers because he hadn’t checked the small print.

But the hotel isn’t anything like the place James and Lily had ended up in last year. This place looks beautiful, two comfy chairs in the lobby, a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling. It actually looks surprisingly alright.

“We haven’t seen the rooms yet,” Lily teases, nudging her fiancé in the arm. “Or our new roommates.”

“Oh, no. I’ve called them, and there is no sharing. We have our own room, and you two…” He points at Sirius and Remus. “have a separate room. They confirmed it on my booking.”

“That’s what you said last time, isn’t it?” Sirius asks, resulting in his best friend glaring at him. “I’m just kidding. The place looks great. You did alright.”

* * *

After checking in, Lily and James had quickly gone to their own room, the grin on James’ face enough to tell them that they wouldn’t be seeing them for some time. So Sirius and Remus had gone to their room to get some rest after getting up at four in the morning to fly out to Italy earlier today.

“Are you alright?” Sirius asks, when Remus crashes down on one of the beds, letting out a groan.

“Just tired.”

“Want to take a nap? It’ll be a while before we see them.”

“Don’t remind me,” Remus chuckles uncomfortably, before turning to face him.

He watches as Sirius opens the window. Something about the cool breeze rustling through the trees, only disturbed by birdsong, bringing a smile to his face. He hadn’t been too sure about coming to Italy. There were so many different places he’d rather go, but his friends had all been excited about this, so he had agreed on it, holding back his reservations. But now that he’s here, he’s glad that he decided to come with them.

Sirius runs his hands through his hair, stifling a yawn, his cheeks flushed both from exhaustion and excitement to finally be here.

“Is it alright if I go take a quick shower?”

“Of course.” Remus smiles, watching him for a moment, before closing his eyes. He almost begins to doze off, until he hears the shower turn off, and Sirius steps back into the room not a minute later. Wearing just a towel, water still glistening on his chest.

Sirius crashes down next to Remus, ignoring the blush on his face. Having gotten used to his shyness by now. The fact that he will blush whenever he sees one of his friends half-naked, or when a sexual joke gets made. When they share a bed and they snuggle up together.

“What do you want to do today?” Sirius whispers, teasing his fingers over the small, naked strip of skin between Remus’ jeans and t-shirt. Making him giggle, the blush on his face growing darker. “Do you want to check out the town?”

“Mhm,” Remus mumbles, playfully pushing Sirius’ hand away. Trying hard to ignore the fluttering in his stomach. “I think we’re all tired today, so maybe just go for a walk? Have something to eat?”

“Pizza?”

“And gelato!”

“Oh, of course.” Sirius grins, but when he sees Remus trying to hold back a yawn, he sighs. “Close your eyes. I’ll wake you up in a minute.”

* * *

When Remus wakes up, Sirius is still lying next to him, his arm loosely wrapped around his waist. He is snoring softly, and only when Remus tries to climb out from underneath his arm does he wake up.

“Whu… what…?”

“We fell asleep,” Remus explains, Sirius just staring at him for a moment, before he closes his eyes again. “Do you want to stay here?”

“No, give me a minute,” Sirius mumbles, running a hand through his hair. Remus unable to stop himself from smiling, still as in love with the sight of a sleepy Sirius as he had been when they were twelve.

He is almost tempted to snuggle up to him and try and make the moment last for as long as possible, but there’s a knock on the door, followed by Lily calling out their names.

So he climbs out of bed, and he opens the door, his friends immediately barging in, too caught up in discussion to notice Sirius still lying on the bed, his towel having fallen off by now.

“… can’t go there today. It’s too late, and by the time we get there…” Lily argues, but when she finally catches sight of their friend, naked and still half-asleep, on the bed, she stops mid-sentence. “Oh!”

“Put that thing away, Pads,” James laughs. “No one wants to see that.”

“We weren’t interrupting, were we?” Lily quickly asks. “We can come back later, or…”

“We fell asleep,” Remus explains, but he can’t help but notice his friends glancing over to the other bed. Which clearly hasn’t been slept in yet. “So… what are the plans for today?” he asks, trying to change the subject as Sirius forces himself to get out of bed. Everyone turning so they don’t have to watch him get dressed, even though they should all be used to the sight of him walking around naked by now.

Remus catches himself peeking into the mirror though, his heart skipping a beat as he watches Sirius standing there in nothing but his jeans, his newest tattoo peeking out just over the edge of the fabric.

“Is that alright with you two?” James asks, making Remus look back at them. His cheeks flushing at the thought of having been caught out. But his friends don’t seem to have noticed. “A quiet day today, then we want to go to the museum tomorrow…”

“And we can go to the ruins.” Remus nods. “Sounds great.”

“And pizza.” Sirius grumbles. “I want pizza.”

“Don’t worry. We’re in Italy. I’m sure we’ll be able to find you a pizza.”

* * *

Remus can’t help but laugh when he sees the big pout on Sirius’ face when they get back to their room later that night. They had gone for a walk through town, checked out some of the buildings and eaten a gelato. But when they had wanted to go for dinner, all the restaurants had been closed. They weren’t going to open up again until later that night, but with how long they had already been up, none of them felt like waiting until that late to eat. So in the end they had had to settle for a slice of cake and a cup of coffee for dinner, seeing as the cafes were the only places that were open. Those, and some places that were looking so dodgy that they gave them all a stomach-ache just looking at them.

Sirius had almost started crying as he had eaten his cake, the one thing he had been craving being his pizza. And he had not stopped going on about it, still feeling sorry for himself now that they have said goodbye to their friends for the night.

“We’ll get a pizza tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Remus laughs. He opens up his arms, Sirius immediately letting himself fall into them.

“I’m happy you’re here, Moony. It wouldn’t have been the same without you,” Sirius whispers, his hands grabbing onto Remus as though he is scared to let go.

Remus almost considers speaking the words that have been on his mind for months, if not years. But when Sirius kisses his neck, before letting go of him, he knows that the moment has passed. That he has missed his chance.

“We should go to bed. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow,” he sighs, Sirius staring at him for a moment as though he’s about to speak. But then he just nods, before stripping off and disappearing into the bathroom.

Remus still standing there, the words so close to coming out. Not even sure what’s holding him back anymore. Yet he can’t get them out. Not yet.

* * *

Remus had struggled to fall asleep, but Sirius had jumped onto his bed as soon as he had woken up. Already excited to start the day, and it had been enough to drag Remus along in the excitement. And by the time they get downstairs for breakfast, they are both laughing, happily chatting about all that they have read about the ruins they’re supposed to be visiting today.

“Can you please tell him that this is not breakfast?” Lily rolls her eyes as soon as they have sat down at the table.

James proudly shows off his plate, which is full of cake and biscuits, a simple piece of toast on Lily’s own plate.

“When in Rome… right?” James grins.

“We’re not in Rome. I swear, this stuff….”

James stuffs a piece of cake into Lily’s mouth to shut her up, making her hit him in the arm, but she eats it, a big smile forming on her face.

“Now, that’s my kind of breakfast,” Sirius laughs. “I’ll be right back,” he says as he gets up. But when Remus is about to follow, he stops him. “I’ll get you something.”

“So… how are you liking Italy so far?” Lily asks, before stealing some more cake off James’ plate. “I know you didn’t want to come, but…”

“It’s great,” Remus quickly says, but then he raises an eyebrow. “Wait, I never told you I didn’t want to come.”

“Oh, please. You’re like an open book. We could all see that you hated the idea.”

Remus can feel his cheeks growing hot, because if they had all seen through him trying to hide his reservations about Italy, then what else have they been able to see through?

“Excited about going to the ruins with Pads?” James asks, something in the look on his face almost teasing. Like there is a different meaning to his question. But Remus quickly shakes the thought, and he gives a nod.

“Yes, definitely. Sorry for not going to the museum with you, but…”

“I’m pretty sure we’ll be fine on our own.” Lily smiles. “We’ll just meet up again later.”

“For pizza,” Remus chuckles, still remembering the look on Sirius’ face last night. “If he doesn’t get a pizza today, I’m sleeping in your room tonight.”

“Ooh!” James wiggles his eyebrows.

Lily hits him in the arm, before stealing his last piece of cake.

“What did I miss?” Sirius asks, as he hands Remus a plate full of all kinds of sugary goodness.

“We were just discussing our sleeping arrangements for tonight,” James replies, keeping a straight face.

“Oh?” Sirius laughs. “Do tell. You’re not dumping me already, are you?”

Sirius slides his hand onto Remus’ thigh, giving it a playful squeeze, but it makes him jump up. His neck flaring up when he feels his body reacting to Sirius’ touch.

Sirius seems to notice, because he leans in to whisper a quick sorry, before placing a soft kiss to his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” he mouths, as Lily and James already continue the conversation.

Remus gives a quick nod, embarrassed at his own reaction, but Sirius just winks, flashing a comforting smile, before picking up his tea.

* * *

Remus had dozed off as soon as they had gotten on the bus, still tired from not having gotten enough sleep last night. When he wakes up, he realises that they’re almost at their destination already. So he stretches out, and only when he hears Sirius chuckle, does he realise that he is being watched.

“What?”

Sirius shows him his notebook. On the page is a sketch of Remus, asleep, looking just as he is. But Remus scrunches up his nose, feeling like Sirius has made him look like someone else entirely.

“You looked adorable.” Sirius smiles, brushes his leg against Remus, as he looks down at his sketch. “Just wanted to capture the moment.”

“Why don’t you ever do things like that for me?” Lily asks. “You just kick me out of the bed.”

“Because you snore!” James rolls his eyes. “Seriously, you should hear her.”

“Be nice,” Sirius laughs. “She’s pregnant. You do not kick a woman out of the bed, especially not one who’s…”

“See!”

“Fine, marry Sirius, then.” James shrugs, and for a moment Lily looks like she’s about to breathe fire. But then she snuggles up to her fiancé, a big smile on her face.

Remus just smiles to himself, staring out of the window, a little too aware that Sirius’ leg is still pressed against his, but trying his best to hide how much it’s getting to him.

* * *

After they had gotten off the bus, Lily and James had quickly disappeared off to the city’s history museum, while Sirius and Remus had hiked up to the ruins. They had expected to find it crowded with tourists, but when they had gotten there they had found it nearly empty. So they had bought their tickets, and they had quietly watched everything. Sirius in awe of the history and the beauty, Remus still too aware of how his crush is growing bigger with every day that goes by. How it is turning into something else, something that makes him feel awkward and uncomfortable. Aware of his every move. Too scared that someone will find out.

“Moony?” Sirius sighs, when they’ve sat down in the grass, and they’re staring out over the water. “Are you upset with me?”

“No! Why?”

“Because you haven’t said a word since we got here,” Sirius explains. “Is this about this morning?”

“No.” Remus shakes his head, his heart starting to beat faster as he feels the words bubbling up to the surface. “I just…”

“Tell me,” Sirius says, flashing a reassuring smile.

Remus looks at him for a moment, wondering if it would be best to swallow back the words. Keep them inside as he has done for years. Or finally speak them out loud, and see what happens. Good or bad, at least he’ll know.

He stares back out at the water, and when Sirius grabs his hand, ever so gently caressing his thumb over the inside of his palm, he can feel the futtering of butterflies in his stomach again. Remus’ soft touch making him feel safe. Loved.

“I like men. ” he says, his eyes still focussed on the water. But when Sirius presses a kiss to his shoulder, he looks at him, both curious and anxious to see his reaction.

“Me too.” Sirius simply states, a small smile on his lips.

“I figured.” Remus nods. “I saw you, when we were at that party of Lily’s friend…”

“I was drunk.”

“I figured that, too,” Remus chuckles, still remembering how he had watched Sirius flirting and making out with one of the guys there all night, before finally getting so drunk that Remus had had to carry him home. Sirius had pulled him into bed with him, and he had pressed a sloppy kiss to his mouth, but Remus had simply brushed it off to him being drunk. He probably thought he was the guy from the party.

“I love you, Moony,” Sirius whispers, before pressing another kiss to his shoulder. “We should ehm…”

“Get back.” Remus nods, a smile growing on his face when he realises that Sirius is blushing. Probably still embarrassed at his behaviour from that night. “We don’t want to keep them waiting. Oh, and Sirius?”

“Mhm?”

“I love you, too.”

* * *

Lily flashes a big smile when the two young men join her and James again. She holds up a flyer, James grabbing it from her hands before handing it over to Sirius.

“Look what we found.”

“Pizza!”

Remus can’t help but laugh at Sirius’ child-like enthusiasm. Knowing the hell he had gone through at home with his family, and seeing how happy something like a pizza can make him, it warms his heart.

“They’re not closed, are they?”

Lily points at the restaurant behind them, most of the tables already full. Without hesitation, Sirius grabs Remus’s hand, and he pulls him to one of the few empty tables. Ignoring the people giving him weird looks, too excited to finally have his pizza.

“Happy?” Lily laughs. “It’s like being out with a bunch of three-year olds, isn’t it?” she asks, as she slaps James’ hand away from her arm.

“It’s good practice,” Remus chuckles. “Good luck if he’s anything like his dad.”

“I’m right here.”

Lily flashes her fiancé a smile, but he’s already caught up in checking out the menu, so she rolls her eyes, shaking her head.

“Anyway. How were the ruins?”

“Oh, they were beautiful,” Remus says, still happy to have gotten to witness the beauty of it all. But his talk with Sirius the thing that stands out, the part that made his day. That is making him blush right now, thinking back to it.

“It was good.” Sirius agrees, as he presses his leg against Remus’ underneath the table. “We got to sit down… have a talk.”

“Oh?” Lily raises an eyebrow. “Anything you’d like to share with us?”

“Unless you’re interested in reminiscing about how drunk I got at a party one time.” Sirius shrugs.

“No need to tell me what party that was.”

“Oh, the one where…,” James begins, but Lily kicks him underneath the table to shut him up, making him stare at her, a confused look on his face. “What? We were all there.”

“We weren’t going to bring that up, remember?”

“Why not?” James shrugs. “We’re allowed to bring up that one time I grabbed a girl’s bum, thinking it was you. But when he makes out with some random guy…”

“It’s fine,” Sirius laughs, appreciating how Lily doesn’t want to force him into coming out before he’s ready to. But seeing as they’ve already seen him making out with a guy, it’s not like it’s some big secret. They all know already. “We can talk about how I make out with guys.”

“It _was_ pretty funny,” Lily says. “You should have seen yourself… whatever happened with him anyway? Did you get his number?”

“Remus took me home.”

“That’s a shame,” James says. “He was good-looking.”

Lily raises an eyebrow, but James just flashes an oh-so-innocent grin.

“Really?”

“What? I can still look, can’t I?”

“He was,” Sirius laughs, his leg pressing tighter against Remus’. “But he’s not my type. I was drunk.”

“Oh, please.” Lily rolls her eyes. “So you wouldn’t have made out with him if you hadn’t been drinking?”

“No!”

By the grin on his face, Remus can tell that he’s lying. But it doesn’t make him feel jealous, it just makes him smile. Relieved to be able to have this conversation with his friends without judgment. That although they are growing up and things are changing, they are still the same.

* * *

“Where are you going?” Remus asks, just as he’s about to step into bed.

“A smoke. I’ll be right back.”

“Can I go with you?”

“Of course.” Sirius flashes a smile, and Remus can feel his eyes on him as he quickly throws on some clothes before following him out of the hotel.

They sit down on the now empty terrace, and Remus watches on in silence as Sirius lights up a cigarette. A habit he has been trying to beat for years, and although Remus wishes he would quit, he can’t deny that something about watching him with the cigarette between his lips turns him on. It had turned him on, from the first time he had caught him smoking in the Hogwarts bathrooms, when they had only been boys. Although he hadn’t been aware of what the feeling was back then. He had simply thought it was the excitement, the rush of the risk of getting caught. But as the years went by, he had found himself watching Sirius. Fascinated, his body reacting in ways he never knew it could react.

“Can I tell you something, Moony?”

“Depends,” Remus sighs. “If you’re going to tell me that you want to move to the other side of the world, then no. I don’t want to know.”

“I wouldn’t do that.” Sirius smiles, before reaching out and running a hand through Remus’ messy hair. “I promised I’d be here every full moon, didn’t I?”

Remus shrugs, but it only makes Sirius slide his hand down to the side of his neck, where he lets his hand linger for the longest time, before finally sitting back and finishing his cigarette in silence.

“I’d never leave you.”

“Until you meet someone, you get married, start a family…”

“Shut up,” Sirius laughs, nudging him in the leg. “You’re sulking, Moons. Don’t.”

“What did you want to tell me anyway?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Are you sure?” Remus asks, feeling nervous now. Because what if Sirius is hiding something from him? What if it’s something bad?

“It’s fine.” Sirius flashes a reassuring smile. “We should go to bed.”

They go back up to their hotel room, Remus still thinking about what it was that Sirius was going to tell him. But as soon as he climbs into bed, Sirius climbs in with him.

“What are you…?”

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Sirius whispers, his arm already snaking around Remus’ waist.

Remus can feel his entire body growing warm and tingly at the feeling of Sirius’ naked chest pressed against his back. Not even allowing himself to think about the fact that certain other body parts are touching as well. Because he knows he would probably panic and run off to Lily and James’ room if he truly allowed it to get through to him.

He had thought about Sirius so many times, about kissing him. Holding his hand. Do the little things that Lily and James did. But at times he also caught his mind wandering off to less innocent things, and while he had always told himself off for thinking about his friend like that, it hadn’t stopped the thoughts. And Sirius snuggling up to him, making sure there is no space left between them is most certainly not helping things.

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Remus asks, a little disappointed to spend yet another morning without Lily and James. But they are adamant on going to the city to go shopping for things for the baby, and Remus knows that this is something they want to do by themselves. So he and Sirius have rented bicycles, and they are planning on just riding around. Not a clue what they will find.

“We’ll see you later,” Lily reassures him. “We’ll be back in time for dinner, promise.”

“And for the party tonight!” James adds.

Lily rolls her eyes, obviously already preparing herself to have to drag him home after he has had one too many.

They say their goodbyes, and within minutes Sirius and Remus are on their way to who knows where. They soon find themselves on a small dirt road, the sun already burning on their skin and making it exhausting to go much further.

“Should we go back?” Remus asks, struggling to catch his breath, as beads of sweat cascade down his face.

“Give it another five minutes?” Sirius suggests, his hair sticking to his face and neck. “If we haven’t found anything by then, we’ll turn back?”

Remus is too out of breath to disagree with him, so he rides on. The heat making him feel dizzy and wishing he would have just stayed in town. Having a quiet coffee out in the town square sounds perfect just about now. But he keeps on peddling, concentrating so hard that he almost bumps into Sirius when he stops.

“Want to check that out?” Sirius suggests, pointing at what looks like nothing but a group of trees far out in the distance. But then he points at the sign, Remus grateful to see the water symbol. So he follows him through the field, not entirely sure what it is that they are going to find yet.

But when they get closer to the trees, they find a small like hidden in between them, so far away and hidden from the rest of the world that it almost feels like a different world altogether.

Without hesitation Sirius ties back his hair, before stripping off and getting into the water. Remus is a little more hesitant, but when he watches Sirius swim around, a big smile on his face, he can’t help but laugh.

“Is it good?”

“Just get in, Moons!”

Remus gets undressed before getting into the water, the water so refreshing on his warm skin, that he lets out a pleased sigh.

“Glad we didn’t go back?” Sirius grins, as he sits down on the side, his legs still dangling in the water.

Remus can’t help but stare at him, the tattoos decorating his chest and arms, those hands, which only just morning had caressed his naked chest. His prick, which had been hard as they had lain there still half-asleep. Sirius pressing soft kisses against the back of Remus’ neck, Remus not sure what any of it meant. Not sure when things had changed between them. But something had felt different.

They had shared a bed many times before, and Sirius had never hesitated to hold him or tell him ‘I love you’. But something about the intimacy of last night and this morning had felt different. It had felt tense. It had made Remus grow hard, knowing that Sirius was hard and touching him. He had even pushed his hips back against him, making Sirius let out a small, embarrassed chuckle before giving him a final kiss and jumping out of bed.

He had stood there watching Remus, a blush on his face, not even trying to hide his hard prick. It had made Remus anxious to find out what the next step would be. Would it be what he had hoped for, or did none of this mean anything? But nothing had happened. Sirius had simply flashed a smile before disappearing into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Remus closes his eyes, the sound of the water streaming enough to take his mind of what had happened that morning. Only for a minute though, because when he opens his eyes again, and he finds Sirius still watching him, he feels as anxious as he had when Sirius had stood watching him that morning.

“Stop looking at me.”

“Why?” Sirius laughs. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“I know, but…” Remus shrugs, feeling self-conscious now that things are different between them. “Just don’t.”

“You’re beautiful, Moony. If this is about your scars…”

“It’s not,” Remus sighs, as he makes his way over to him.

Sirius runs a hand through his wet hair, but the touch only makes Remus shiver, and Sirius seems to notice, because he sits back, a knowing smile on his face.

“This morning?”

“What was that?”

Sirius shrugs, but the smile grows before he manages to straighten his face. He then wraps his arms around the other man’s neck, before pulling him closer.

Remus had tried so hard to push the thought of Sirius’ naked body to the back of his mind, but when Sirius pulls him in between his legs, when their bodies are pressed together, he knows he can no longer ignore it.

He wraps his arms around him, grabbing onto his skin, letting out a small moan when Sirius kisses his throat. When he places a soft trail of kisses from his throat down to his chest, the feeling of his mouth soon becoming too overwhelming. Making him shiver, his teeth chattering.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispers, before pulling him against his chest, and holding him until he has stopped shivering.

“Want to go warm up?”

Remus shrugs, still not sure how to feel after what has just happened. He should be jumping up and down with excitement. He should be grabbing Sirius and kiss him after having waited for it so long. But he cares too much to let it get ruined by something as lust. And what if that’s all that it is?

He follows Sirius out to the grass field, where they lie down in the sun. Sirius gently placing his hand on his stomach, flashing a reassuring smile.

“Are you alright?”

Remus gives a nod, before closing his eyes. The hot summer sun making him feel sleepy, and within moments he has dozed off. Restless dreams of the night before still on his mind.

* * *

After Remus had woken up they hadn't discussed what had happened, and although he wished he would just have certainty, he was also relieved to not have to have _that_ conversation yet. Instead, they had gotten dressed, before riding around some more. They had seen some beautiful hidden places, before going back to town, where they had been having a gelato when their friends had come to find them.

They had all had dinner together, Lily and James too excited now that the pregnancy was becoming very real, too caught up in telling their friends about all the things they had bought, to notice how quiet Remus was. How caught up in thoughts he had gotten since that morning.

Sirius had tried to ask him about it, but he had avoided it by taking a long shower and taking the longest time to get dressed for tonight’s party. And by the time he had come back into the bedroom, Lily and James were already there waiting for him, so the moment to have a serious talk had passed.

They are now at the disco, and one of Remus’ favourite songs is playing, but when Sirius tries to drag him onto the dancefloor he pulls his hand free from his grip.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m tired.”

“You’re lying,” Sirius sighs. He looks over his shoulder at their friends, who are dancing like they don’t have a care in the world, before grabbing Remus’ arm and dragging him outside.

“I’m just tired, Sirius.”

“I shouldn’t have touched you. I’m sorry. I just thought that we… I’m sorry,” he sighs, obviously wanting to say something else. But instead of saying the words, he lights up a cigarette, a frustrated look on his face.

“I wanted you to touch me,” Remus finally admits. “But I’m not like you. I can’t just do this, and then… this means something to me.”

“What? And you think I’m just in it for a quick fuck?” Sirius spits out. “I’m not like that, and you know it. I fucking love you, Remus. How many times have I told you that, huh? You mean the world to me.”

“Not like that,” Remus mumbles, staring down at his feet. But when he looks up, he finds Sirius staring at him with tears in his eyes. “Sirius…”

“Don’t, Remus,” Sirius warns him, pulling away when he tries to grab his hand. “Just don’t.”

He goes back into the disco, leaving Remus standing there wishing he had just told him how he feels. Wishing he hadn’t brushed off Sirius’ words, because what if he had been trying to tell him something? What if this is what he had been trying to tell him the other day as well?

He goes back inside, where he finds Sirius dancing to the music. His eyes closed, getting so caught up in the music, that for a moment Remus wonders if he had imagined the whole thing. But when he looks closer, he sees a tear rolling down Sirius’ face, his lip quivering, no matter how hard he is trying to hide it.

So he pushes through the crowd, and he joins him on the dancefloor.

“I love you, too,” he says, hoping Sirius will hear him over the music.

Sirius opens his eyes, flashing a small smile.

“Just not like that?” he teases, placing his hands on the other man’s hips.

“Exactly like that,” Remus sighs. “and you know it.”

Sirius gives a small nod, before leaning in. Remus the one to close the distance between them as he brings their mouths together for a kiss.

* * *

They had danced on for hours, something about the music, the heat, the atmosphere, enough to transport them to a world without care. A world where it was just them. Hogwarts and the darkness looming back home no longer existed. For just a few hours they had been free.

“Are we even allowed to be here?” Lily asks, as they drop their bicycles, before climbing over the fence. “I’m pretty sure this is…”

“No one’s here,” James cuts her off. “And if we see someone, we run.”

“Great.”

They make their way to the large lake they had seen on their way from the airport, and after getting down to their underwear they all jump in.

“I’m going to miss this,” Lily sighs, making them all snap out of their carefree and joyful mood. “What? It’s not like we can go on these kinds of trips once this one’s born.”

“Sure we can.” James shrugs. “We’ll just bring him along.”

“Yes.” Sirius nods. “That’s a great idea, actually. Dragging a baby along to a disco… on a midnight swim…”

James flips him off, before wrapping his arms around Lily’s waist and dragging her off for some private time.

“We’ll still go away together, right?”

“Of course,” Remus quickly says, feeling a little self-conscious when he feels Sirius snaking an arm around his waist. “What are you doing?”

“I was going to kiss you, but…”

“Not here. Not in front of Lily and James.”

“They don’t care,” Sirius laughs. “They’re too busy making out to even notice.”

“Not here,” Remus repeats, trying his best to sound like he means it. But he can feel the smile taking over his face, so he gives Sirius a quick kiss before pushing him off. “Now go.”

Sirius flashes a mischievous grin before swimming off, Remus still feeling the excited fluttering in his stomach. Curious to find out what will happen once they’re alone in their hotel room again.

* * *

When Remus steps out of the bathroom, he finds Sirius lying on his bed, his face flushed. His long hair spread out on the pillow. The sight of him lying there, waiting for him, it sends a thrill through him, and it makes him stop in his tracks. Not sure what to do next. Never having done this before.

“Come here,” Sirius says, flashing a small, almost nervous smile.

Remus does as he’s told, and after hesitating for a moment, he steps out of his boxers before lying down next to him.

“Can I kiss you?” Sirius nods, his fingers finding their way to Remus’ waist. He ever so gently caresses his skin, not wanting to rush into anything, knowing fully well how big of a deal this is to him.

“I’m nervous.”

“Me too.”

Sirius flashes a reassuring smile before kissing him. Their kisses soft and sweet at first, but they quickly turn more passionate. His hand now grabbing onto Remus’ waist, while Remus is still trying to figure out what’s okay and what not.

Sirius notices his hesitation, so he leans back, letting out a small chuckle.

“You can touch me, Moons. I won’t bite.”

“But what if I mess up?”

“I’ll tell you,” Sirius reassures him, struggling to hold back an eyeroll. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

“I’ve kissed people. But not like this.”

“Then we’ll take it slow,” Sirius whispers, bringing his hand up to the side of the other man’s neck. “Talk to me, alright?”

“I love you,” Remus blurts out, wishing he could take back the words. Wishing he would have said something better. Something cooler. Something sexier. These words just make him feel embarrassed, and he can feel his cheeks growing hot.

“I love you, too, Remus.”

* * *

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asks, before Remus has even properly opened his eyes the next morning.

“Don’t worry,” Remus mumbles, trying to keep a straight face, but unable to stop himself from smiling. “I still love you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm,” Remus mumbles, as Sirius presses a kiss to his forehead, a worried look on his face. “Thank you, for not… you know… for being alright with us not going all the way.”

Sirius flashes a small smile, before running his hand through his hair, but even as Remus can feel his fingers caressing the back of his neck, he can still see something hiding behind that smile.

“ _Are_ you alright with it?”

“Of course.”

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing,” Sirius quickly says, but Remus knows him well enough to know when he is lying. “We should get dressed.”

“Sure…”

* * *

“So…,” Lily begins, after an awkward and tense breakfast. “I wasn’t going to bring it up, but…”

“Yes, you were,” James laughs. “She wants to know what’s going on with you two.”

“Well, it’s just that we saw you kissing last night,” Lily quickly explains. “Not that it has to mean anything. Friends can kiss without it being…”

Sirius wiggles his eyebrows, James punching him in the arm. Not wanting to be reminded of the first time he had gotten drunk, and after confessing his love for Lily to him, he had ended up kissing Sirius in front of everyone at the party.

“As I was saying,” Lily laughs. “We were just curious.”

“We?”

“Yes, James. We.”

“Oh, ehm…,” Remus begins, not quite sure how to answer the question. It definitely had been more than a kiss, but are they still just friends? It’s not like they have truly discussed it. They had simply said ‘I love you’ as they always had, they had both implied that there were feelings involved. But it’s not like they had discussed where they stand, or what any of it means.

“I told you not to ask, didn’t I?”

“It’s fine.” Sirius flashes a smile, but Remus can see that he is faking it. And when he feels his hand on his back, he pulls away, something about his fake smile, mixed with the look he had seen in his eyes that morning making him feel sick to his stomach. Making him regret the whole thing.

He storms off, and he grabs his bicycle, before riding off. Wanting to get away from everything and everyone for just a moment so he can gather his thoughts.

But he hasn’t even been sitting by the lake where he and Sirius had sat the day before for fifteen minutes, when he hears the grass rustling. He doesn’t even have to look to know who it is.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Do what you want, Sirius.”

Sirius sits down next to him, a pained look on his face. But he quietly smokes a cigarette, still offering no explanation, and it makes Remus hate himself for ever thinking that this would be more than what they had shared last night.

“You lied to me,” he says, not even trying to hide the hurt in his voice. “You told me you cared, and you knew what last night meant to me. How I feel about you. So why did you…”

“Because I’m scared,” Sirius admits, interrupting him. “That you’re going to realise that I’m not exactly a perfect…”

“Boyfriend?”

Sirius gives a nod, his cheeks growing a dark shade of red.

“You know where I come from, Moons,” he sighs. “You shouldn’t get involved with someone like me. You should be with someone like…”

“What? Someone like James? Peter? I don’t give a fuck about them, Sirius! Not like that,” Remus spits out. “This morning, when I woke up and I remembered what we had done….”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. That’s not…” Remus sighs, struggling to find the words to say how he feels. How overwhelmed he is, and how big this feeling inside of him is. How it grows bigger every day, and how it’s the best thing he has ever felt. But all he can think of to say is ‘I love you’.

“Remember when you carried me home, and I kissed you?” Sirius asks, the question making Remus chuckle. “It wasn’t a mistake, Remus. I knew it was you. I was drunk, but not that drunk.”

“What are we doing here?” Remus sighs. “Sitting, arguing…”

“Is that what we’re doing here? Are we having an argument? Are we having a lover’s tiff?” Sirius teases, holding out his hand when he sees Remus’ face soften.

Remus takes it, his heart skipping a beat when Sirius leans in to press a kiss to his shoulder.

“I don’t want to argue, Sirius. I told you how I feel, and if you feel the same way, then I think…”

“If?” Sirius laughs. “You’re still not sure how I feel about you after last night?”

* * *

Sirius and Remus had spent a long time by the lake, enjoying the silence. Enjoying each other. But eventually they had gone back to join their friends, and together they had spent the day checking out the next town over. Lily and James could see the difference in their friends after they had spoken that morning, and there had been no need for any more questions.

They had walked around for hours, the two young men holding hands, just as the engaged couple had done. And after they had enjoyed a pizza, Lily and James had gone outside to take more pictures. Wanting to capture every moment of their final trip as a family of two. Or four, as they kept saying.

Remus can’t help but smile as he watches them from inside the restaurant. Sirius sitting next to him, his hand gently caressing the back of his neck. Remus leans back against his touch, closing his eyes for a moment, until he hears Sirius saying his name.

“Mhm?”

“You know it’s always been you, right? Even when I was with other people… it was always you,” Sirius admits, looking so serious that for a moment the words don’t even get through to Remus. For a moment it feels like he’s giving him bad news. But then he just smiles, his cheeks flushing. “You don’t believe me.”

“I want to.”

“It’s the truth,” Sirius reassures him, before pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

Remus looks back out of the window, and when he sees his friends taking another picture, Lily pressing a hand to her bump, a cold chill goes through him.

“What’s wrong?”

“What happens when we go home?” he asks.

“We’ll still be the same. There’ll just be more kissing, I hope.” Sirius grins, before leaning in and kissing him again. “We’ll figure it out, Moons. Nothing’s going to change.”

“Lily and James are about to have a baby. Everything is going to change.”

“Not us. Thirty years from now, we’ll come back here, and we’ll still be the same.”


End file.
